In last night’s post I mentioned how I visited my past self over the holidays, something we all experience to some degree when we return to our hometowns and families. I check in with my “inner child” on a daily basis – I find that she is a great source of strength. In yoga practice, balasana is what we in the West call “child’s pose,” but the definition of bala is actually “strength” – and I think it’s important to remember this connection. During this time of year both the “savior” and the New Year are personified as newborns, conjuring images of hope, health, opportunity – a fresh start on life. Our species may not be independent as babies, but what we lack in autonomy we gain through a beingness that we as adults long to return to. By “beingness” I mean the self-contentment many children display through their curiosity, wonder, play… spontaneous creation. Perhaps a greater connection to spirit (though unconscious). A child is a symbol of inner strength – a seed that is self-contained. As exhibited in the Tarot, Strength is related to compassion, softness, receptivity, gentleness – quiet. Children depend on us for food and shelter and care and we depend on them to continue life – literally and yet also by reminding us of who we are. Life moves in two directions. Well, more than two, but I don’t want to get into that right now. Definitely more than one. Because let’s face it – none of us is independent. We are interdependent – depending on parts of ourselves and our pasts, depending on this beautiful dis-eased planet beneath our feet, and depending on each other.
Last night I saw Patti Smith with her beautiful band – and children – at the Bowery Ballroom. As she transformed from quiet poet with spectacles to wild conjurer of spectacles and then back again, I felt honored to witness an integration of being unlike any I’ve ever seen. She was the coy little girl one moment, the sage the next; she was the rebel, the goddess, the mother, the lover, the warrior, the healer – watching her slip in and out of these archetypes – these selves – was mesmerizing. She became a screen – a clear channel – upon which these characters visited through sound and movement. Rather than an actor or chameleon who puts on various faces, I got the sense that these beings were emerging from deep within, and I was one of the privileged few allowed to experience her inner transformations, projected through her outer, physical body. Her performance reminded me of an arts workshop I took with Lanny Harrison at La MaMa rehearsal space on Great Jones when I was at Gallatin. Lanny is a remarkable performer, and perhaps the only other person I have witnessed morph so seamlessly in this way. Through Buddhist meditation techniques and free play we explored “shape-shifting” and the constancy of change through physical movement and sound. In addition to Gallatin she teaches at the Shambhala Meditation Center of NY. I recommend looking her up. I’m going to. These two women inspire in me the power of surrender. Of the strength – bala – of letting go.
As 2009 approached the intensity of the performance escalated and the band roared through “Because the Night” before opening the New Year with “People Have the Power.” There was a lot of joy in that little room. Through her committed presence, authenticity, and improvisational spirit Patti reminded us of our interdependence throughout the evening, not only through her interactions with the crowd, but through her dedication to love. She told us not to worry, singing a ecstatic cover of “I’ll Be There.” Although, as anyone familiar with her work knows, this message of love is not a sugar-coated one. In her opening words she declared 2009, the Year of the Ox, the Year of Work, and she instructed us to be vigilant – to embrace the new year and our new president with love, but also to make demands. Not just because our economy has crumbled, but because we are still six years into an unjust, unnecessary war and always on the verge of another. Not to mention our war against the planet, our very home.
Going back to that mixtape from six years ago – The truth is that the girl who made that mix was in a lot of pain. Maybe that’s why I don’t remember her so well. It seems easier to push away what is painful or at least uncomfortable. How much simpler it is to converse with my four-year-old self, who was content to collect rocks and blow bubbles and play left-hand verses right-hand tic tac toe. But she is only one tiny piece of who I am, and I am only one tiny piece of who we are. We are all pieces of world peace – until all the pieces are there, working in harmony to create the greater picture, we are broken in our own chaos. We can’t afford to disconnect any longer – nor to think we are disconnected. It is an illusion to think this separation is possible. It may be cliche, but things become cliche for a reason – we are at war with each other and with this planet because we are at war with ourselves. We have one body for this life’s journey and one planet to share. As I gaze up into space, this sure feels like a small boat.
And so I will adopt and reiterate Patti’s phrase as my own resolution for entering the New Year: BE VIGILANT, from vigilare – to keep watch, stay awake. Awake not only to the present moment, but to our past and future selves, for what we become in the future depends on who we were in the past, and how conscious we are of the past. Can our past selves be in conversation? Is democracy really possible? As we make peace with the pieces we find ourselves living in a more peaceful world. Let us not be afraid of who we are. This life is so fleeting – one moment bombs are dropping in the Gaza Strip and the next moment the ball is dropping in Time Square – This year, and this world, is whatever we want it to be. It’s time to raise the torch and see what’s been hiding in the shadows.
With love and best wishes for this moment in your life, old and new and everything in between – Happy New Year.
And Happy Birthday, Mom.
