Greetings from bed. I am really sick. I kind of feel like this picture… though less red jacket, more raw skin. All I can manage to do right now is lie down and listen to Vetiver’s Tight Knit, which has been in my stereo for about as long as I’ve spent my days in bed (three, four weeks?). I actually took the above picture two weeks ago as I was planning to write to you, but then I realized that most of my posts occur on laundry days and/or snow days, and as both were scheduled, I decided to give myself a pass. Instead I spent the day in the bathtub eating almond butter like pudding from the jar. Now that the winter’s almost over I’ve let myself unravel. I’m going to record an experimental album called “The Winter Without Heat” and layer the sound of dishes thrown against walls, hammers on pipes, screaming alley cats… jackhammers.
Would you believe that the above picture was taken two days after this one?
Spring has had some false starts this year. Not quite what the word conjures – boing! Rather spring has been a slow climb out of – and back to – bed. It’s just like being sick – one minute you think you’re feeling better and then you get up too fast and your vision goes black. That’s the strangest thing about this illness – I’ve been having these really scary dizzy spells. The first one happened on Thursday afternoon – I was standing in Think Coffee and all of a sudden I felt really dissociated, like I was going to pass out but also like I wasn’t in my body and I didn’t really know who I was. I’m kind of nervous to walk too far by myself for fear I’ll hit the pavement. Yesterday when I thought I was feeling better I met a friend and went to see Coraline 3D – wearing the 3D glasses was actually the only relief I’ve had from this dizziness. Maybe I have a 3D flu and I should keep wearing them. I really liked the movie, by the way.
I suppose my body is participating in spring cleaning. The snow is melting, my nose is running, the tears are flowing – it’s all the same process. A softening. What makes the transition to spring difficult is that we think of spring as the return of flowers and new life and increasing warmth, forgetting that the sun returns slowly, first shedding its light on what has accumulated in the darkness. There’s a lot of dead leaves to clear out and digest before the crocuses and daffodils emerge. It’s a time for planning, but also a time for surrendering and letting things unfold. For example, I played a show at the American Folk Art Museum Friday night, despite my gravely throat and vertigo. I did the best I could to prepare, taking various herbs throughout the day and resting, but ultimately when I got the show I said to the universe, “Okay, you’re driving.” I knew the performance was beyond my control. And I must say, it was one of the most enjoyable shows I’ve played in a while. I was in the moment, I had fun, and the crowd was into it. I suppose we’re never in control, and getting sick is just a friendly reminder to stop being such an obnoxious backseat-driver. When I was on tour and I had to play shows after all-night drives, I often had similar experiences of being really lucid and playing some of my best performances. My condition has steadily worsened since Friday, so I imagine Tuesday’s set at Banjo Jim’s is going to be positively transcendent 
Speaking of tour – the turning of spring marks my final season in NYC. When I moved here in the summer I vowed that I would live in one place for an entire year, to see if (and to prove) I can do it. These eight months mark the longest I have lived in one place since high school and – more impressively – the longest I have stayed in one place in my entire life – I have not boarded an airplane since August, and any out-of-town gigs have been local, in NY or CT. So this is quite an accomplishment. However the road and I are looking forward to our reunion and things are going to start moving very quickly in the next few months. As you can see, I have a new traveling partner, too. But for now, this little seed is staying in bed.
P.S. Walking past Bergdorf Goodman after the show Friday night I saw this dress. Not sure what it has to do with the theme of spring cleaning and being sick, but I think looking at is making me feel better. You can meet the designer this Wednesday at 2pm.
