“Southern Cross” – Crosby, Stills & Nash
Last night I went to my first strip club. (Fear not, faithful reader, this post is rated PG. Sorry to disappoint the rest of you). After finishing up our sets at White Rock I asked Angie and her band if I might crash with them and they graciously welcomed my self-invitation… warning me that there’d be a detour to Dallas’s finest “saloon,” Baby Dolls. My options were to A) burn $50+ at the creepy motel I stayed in last week, which was swarming with prostitutes, or B) hang out with cool musicians from Colorado, stay at a hotel for free, pay a measly $3 cover charge, and have one heck of a story to mine for a song. As if I had to make a choice.
We caravanned with Susan’s cousin and the latter’s fiance, and after turning onto Shady Trail (how appropriate) I caught the first glimpse of Baby Dolls’ swarming parking lot. My previous conception of strip clubs was immediately crushed as I sat waiting for a spot and watched men and women of all ages rush across the parking lot as if this were opening night of a summer blockbuster. To be honest, I breathed a sigh of relief, as my one concern was that this place was going to be filled with sketchy dudes. There were valet running about as well as waiters in white tie (as if this were a “classy” affair) while police officers cleaned their windows and casually conversed with clientele as they passed – oddly, I have never felt so safe leaving my guitar in my car.
Upon entering, I braced myself for the debauchery. The feminist in me (that is to say, all of me) was ready to be outraged. The first person I saw was a waitress in a black dress who asked if I would like a drink. Then I rounded a corner and entered the club… wait – is this Mohegan Sun? I felt like I was in an oversized hotel lounge or casino – there were huge flat screen TVs displaying everything from sports to cooking demos, pool tables, people standing at the bar or sitting at cafe tables in conversation. Ok, that girl is in her underwear – but then another waitress in a black dress asks if I’d like something to drink. “Last Dance With Mary Jane” comes on and we start singing… if you don’t know by now, Tom is my childhood hero, and I thought it very fitting that he made an entrance. He’s been there for every rite of passage.
We wandered around, looking for a perch and again, all of my assumptions of what a strip club is were shattered. The waitresses were more covered up than any Hooters waitress (or sorority girl on a Friday night, for that matter), and the whole thing just seemed… silly. I must say I was disappointed there weren’t any costumes – girls came out in bikinis, took off their tops, and then exited as quickly as they had come. So “strip” club is kind of a misnomer. Guess I need to go back to Paris for a real show. There was no real dancing because they were all walking on stilts. No poles. BAD music. But it was fantastic people-watching (I was watching the watchers) for it was much like observing an episode of NOVA or Animal Planet for humans.
There was one girl who looked so much like Jessica Simpson I’m not sure if Joe isn’t trying to expand the empire. Another girl looked like she was saving up for NYU Law School. She was the most “granola” of the bunch we decided, as the masses were extremely artificial looking young women who need to lay of the spray tan. She came out to a middle-aged couple after her shift and shook their hands to thank them for their tips. Precious.
Then a nice guy beside me felt the need to tell me he doesn’t “go to strip clubs” and came to visit his ex-girlfriend who works the door… I was amused by how many guys felt the need to tell me this, that they aren’t into strip clubs. Who had abducted all these men and dragged them to Baby Dolls?! A travesty. It was as if I, sitting there in my glasses (I didn’t want to miss anything) and looking like I was there for research purposes, were their mother. Or their priest. Speaking of which, the correlation between quantity of churches and prevalence of strip clubs and adult video stores is undeniable. I’ve been taking note of this since Wichita, where the prostitutes became visible along the same highways as my favorite billboards. On the way to Houston tonight I saw one that read “‘Stop The Porn And Be Reborn’ – Jesus” in the parking lot of an adult video store. Be kind and rewind?
Basically, I am sure all of you who went to see Sex and the City (you’d have to pay me good money to see it) this weekend saw far more than I did last night. I am glad I got to see inside, as now the clubs lining the highway don’t look so ominous. But ultimately, I still think strip clubs are sad and lonely places, and I wish our culture could have a healthier dialogue (or any dialogue) about sexuality, and especially sexuality that isn’t entirely based on the objectification of a female body – especially one altered to imitate video game characters and digital fantasy. While the job required sweet Southern smiles, there was no joy. Ironically, this was an exhibition of disembodiment.
What’s really funny is that twenty-four hours earlier Angie had played a show with Jason Castro of American Idol fame. Rockwall Mayor Bill Cecil presented a key to the city to Castro before thousands of screaming little girls, complete with a community prayer and blessing. That’s versatility.
Moving on… I am sitting at Notsuoh, and Chuck Wagon (Australia) is just finishing up a killer set. The place is hopping. I played a set to the most attentive, sweetest bar crowd I’ve ever seen. What a nice way to leave Texas. It’s been a good week.
I’d love to take this little guy with me – don’t know how he’s sleeping through this:
Next stop: Phoenix.
The Ultimate Road Mix So Far…
1. “Escapade” – Janet Jackson (May 6, 2008)
2. “Cars Trucks Buses” – Phish (May 7, 2008)
3. “Heart of the Country” – Paul & Linda McCartney (May 8, 2008)
4. “Why Georgia” – John Mayer (May 9, 2008)
5. “Runnin Down A Dream” – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (May 10, 2008)
6. “Sweet Home Alabama” – Lynyrd Skynyrd (May 11, 2008)
7. “I’m So Tired” – The Beatles (May 12, 2008)
8. “Tennessee Jed” – The Grateful Dead (May 13, 2008)
9. “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” – The Beatles (May 14, 2008)
10. “Tennessee Blues” – Steve Earle (May 15, 2008)
11. “Consolers of the Lonely” – The Raconteurs (May 16, 2008)
12. “Midwest” – Sound Tribe Sector Nine (May 17, 2008)
13. “The Big Country” – Talking Heads (May 18. 2008)
14. “Everyday Is A Winding Road” – Sheryl Crow (May 19, 2008)
15. “Omaha (1994 – Live at Elysee Montmartre) – Counting Crows (May 20, 2008)
16. “Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here With You” – Bob Dylan (May 21, 2008)
17. “Bandits” – Buck 65 (May 22, 2008)
18. “Is There Anybody Here That Love My Jesus” – Medeski, Martin, & Wood (May 23, 2008)
19. “Highway 61 Revisited” – Bob Dylan (May 24, 2008)
20. “Girl From the North Country” – Bob Dylan (May 25, 2008)
21. “Texas Flood” – Stevie Ray Vaughan (May 26, 2008)
22. “Hard Sun” – Eddie Vedder (May 27, 2008)
23. “Take Me To the River” – Talking Heads (May 28, 2008)
24. “Down South” – Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers (May 29, 2008)
25. “Southern Man” – Neil Young (May 30, 2008)
26. “Southern Cross” – Crosby, Stills & Nash (May 31, 2008)
